Unexpexted....

Okay, so here it goes. Today, we got our Moral assignments (2 in 1) kind of thing, which means 2 courseworks at the same time. *sigh* But, hey, not going to complain further. Then, we got English Studies assignment too. So far, I have four assignments already but more are coming so, complaints won't help either. Nevertheless, i haven't even looked at them cause' i feel like i couldn't care less. That's bad I know but I cannot help it. Grr..I am mad at myself, sometimes! Second thing, I was shortlisted for the cast of our soon-to-play- Drama play, Merchant of Venice. I am happy and at the same time, I am worried. *sigh again* I worry because there are tonnes and tonnes of competitors vying for the same spot as I do, which is Portia, the leading lady. I know I am good but I am afraid being just won't be enough. In other words, I think the lecturers want to see exaggeration in our acting, which I totally dislike cause acting like that seems Ugh..Still, i will have to put in even more effort and fake!exaggerate my actions and body language. *sigh* I know I sigh a lot already but please, just let me do it. Third thing, the reason I am so not being myself is that I feel ignored! Grrr...it's like he's avoiding me and how am I supposed to stay focused when my brain is cracking up why is he not talking to me. I planned to talk to him today but I didn't get the chance. he's completely out of my way and Grrr...I feel so frustrated! I hate having things clammed up cause' I cannot concentrate in my work. I WILL talk to him tomorrow. I will force him to TALK to me! I am just going to do it cause now I know I am not being paranoid but he is totally ignoring me!!! And i don't like people ignoring me. It's rude, it's childish and it's frustrating! Ahhh...I am likable and I always please other people so, I really don't know what went wrong between us. More updates tomorrow.

P/S: I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow...I really don't and I am scared our friendship will be jeopardised....That's the last thing I want...

Gruelling Day

So, as usual, I hate Mondays. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because that when Monday comes, i know my weekends are over. Monday is such a fun spoiler! Haha. Anyway, today, we received our Social studies assignment. Should I be happy or sad? Hmm...let me ponder for a while. I cannot honestly say that I am thrilled to get the assignment but at the same time, i cannot downright say I am upset over it. Easier said, I am sorta neutral about it, which is good in a positive way. For your information, the assignment is on gender-related violence and sexual abuse to women. *sigh* When the word "violence" comes to your mind, what do you think of immediately? As for me, i recall the little girl, Nurin, who was sexually abused and killed after that. For God's sake, she was just a child with no sexual appeal and yet, she was sexually assaulted. God creates us to be humans with conscience and moral values and all and yet, every day, we have cases like that. Our daily newspaper reports will not be complete without such case reports. The question boggling my mind is, "Why are they doing these unforgiven sins to the others, especially women, who are innocent people?" Don't they ever feel guilt? And another thing that I cannot tolerate with is that whenever a girl is raped, she is blamed for sexually arousing the predator's sexual desires by wearing sexy clothing. Now, that is an irrelevant fact! Firstly, how do we define sexiness? After all, everyone has a different idea to what is considered as sexy, in accordance to their own culture and religions. However, if given another scenario, in which, say a man is robbed. Who do we blame then? We blame the robber right? So, where is the justice, people? I mean, where is the justice and equal right for women? We, ladies, are given the freedom to wear whatever we like still, by doing that, we are not asking for some sexual harassment, man! Besides, young girls who are still undeveloped physically and are certainly not that "sexy" yet are raped ruthlessly. What have you got to say to that? Nevertheless, to us, women out there, although each and every one of us is given the right to wear freely still, bear this in mind. We should not expose ourselves unneccessarily because we never know who or should I say, what is watching our every single movement, action and talk at this exact second. So, be on guard and be careful! Okay, enough about the gender violence thing. I don't know why but each time when that issue is brought up, I suddenly have so much things to say. LOL. Okay, now back to my normal business. As a known fact, I am currently studying at IPBA, a teacher training institute at Lembah Pantai, KL. Well, when the word, "teacher" comes to your mind, you automatically think of women teachers right? Well, we, women, do make up most of that population here so, in my institute, the number of guys is small. Guys are practically scarce in this residing area and I feel deprived of good looking guys around. When I actually see quite a "HOttie" kinda guy, he is no longer available anymore. All the leftover kinda guys, they are actually really like leftovers, which you leave out on your plates to be thrown. Haha. I know that's sarcastic but hey, I am telling the truth. Those "leftovers" are usually kinda soft and really not cool. Hai...how I wish I were at a private college, where Hotties are everywhere and I can just pick and choose. I wish! So back to the guys. Since we are all under this same scholarship thingy, the number of chinese guys are even less. There are like only eight chinese guys in the whole institute! Can you actually believe it? In additon, half of them are currently in relationships. Hai...you know the malay saying, "bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga?" Oh well, that's exactly how I feel . Therefore, we, nons, make do with the malay guys in our classes. Although guys are cruel when they break the girls' hearts still, we, girls do need them for our emotional needs just like they need us. Anyway, among our small, minority group, we form our own exclusive club, called The Stalkermon! The Stalkermon consists of Banu aka Banumon, Sam aka Nekomon, Huijia aka Reimon, Jasmine aka Jasmon and lastly, yours sincerely, Alicia aka Almon. Aren't the names cute? haha. By the way, although we are the Stalkermons stil, we don't stalk. I mean, puh-lease, we don't stoop to that level. As for the guys, they are the Poyo a.k.a. perasan. LoL! Recently, I got myself a husband (in an informal kind of thing, of course). The chosen husband is Alif! *bells ringing* He's the best of the lot and also the cutest (as in really cute kind of way coz he's short. oOps..so, sShhh!). I consider him lucky to have me as his "wife" but apparently, I don't think he appreciates me as much as i would like him to. Hmm..that hurts my ego as I have to admit that I am sorta a vain person and I am use to getting things done my way so I don't expect this from him. Nevertheless, there is nothing much that I can do since I don't have other better options. Hmm....anyway, I am still searching for that special someone out there. A guy, whom I truly like and who likes me back..Hopefully, I can get a boyfriend from UK since my cohort is going there for three years. Hopefully.....That will be so cool, then!

Could It Be Love?

What is it in you that I like?
I don't know, God forbid.
Is it just you or me
Being paranoid
None can tell.

Was it yesterday that you flourished my life?
Then, why do I feel all blue today?
I'm supposed to be walking on cloud nine
But I am walking around clouded.

Look at me.
Talk to me.
Is that so hard to do?
Can't you at least tell me what did I do wrong this time?

Please just end this cold war
I want things back like it used to be.
I missed you
But most of all, I missed talking to you.

It feels good to be in love.
But when it's an unrequited love,
How I often wish that I am born heartless
So that I am senseless when it comes to heartache.

Now that I am writing about you
It makes me think of you.
Your smile, your laughter
Are what I like best about you.

Am I falling for you then?
Cause' I obviously sound lovesick
I hope I like the answer,
Still, I am scared to hear what my heart wants to say.

God willing,
I surrender my heart to you.
God forbid,
I bid my love goodbye.